Something I have learnt a lot about this year – as you’ll know by now – is living a life of happiness and fulfilment and how it pertains to little old me. I sat down and tried to work out all of the thoughts, actions and ways of being that could make or take from my Happypool (it’s kind of like the Deadpool for Wade only VERY different. And if you have no idea who I’m talking about we can’t be friends). Despite my selfish thinking in creating this list, I thought I’d seeelllffflllessssslllyyy release the twenty points I had put together on the things that make or take from my Happypool, just in case someone else resonates with what I’ve discovered about myself!
As I write this at the start of my week of PMS I probably should have added hormones to the list BUT, you can’t control your darn hormones! This is a list of things well within your means to control. Perhaps you can make a list of your own and think about the rewiring of your thoughts and the new habits to employ that could turn your points into positives.
- Your self worth: You are a valued member of Earth; you are worthy of all the good things in life; you deserve happiness and love!
- Self esteem: Your level of self esteem speaks volumes about your happypool and in my opinion it’s slightly different to that of your self worth. Unfortunately, when people talk about self esteem the first thing that jumps to mind is your physical appearance, but it’s more than that. You are special and beautiful in many ways inside and out and I suggest you cut ties with anything or anyone who brings you down – whether in person or on social media.
- How much self compassion you have: Self compassion is a new way of being I am trying to inhabit. I’ve often been too hard on myself because I had expectations of what I could achieve or how hard I could work. It’s made me feel so much better knowing that I’m in control of that and I can choose to not feel bad anymore. So be understanding towards yourself, know that many others are feeling the same way as you are so you’re not alone, and accept that even you can sometimes not live up to your own expectations. Change the expectations you put on yourself to match your reality.
- Connection with friends and family: Do I really have to remind you that your loved ones are important and that laughing and talking with friends and family boosts your mood immensely!?
- Your attachment style: I can’t believe how old I was when I first found out about attachment styles! I was THIS YEAR years old (*ahem* 25)! WTF?! Your attachment style is about the different ways you interact and behave in relationships and your girl has an anxious attachment style she’s trying to overcome (that one sounds healthy huh?!). There are three main attachment styles so I’d recommend you go do your research hun.
- Stress levels: Don’t get me wrong, there are healthy stresses out there but if you find yourself stressing all the time and over the little things, then you’re willingly taking happy time away from yourself. I was a serial stress-er back in the day and sometimes old habits die hard, so I’ll 100% dive into stress and how I’ve dealt with mine at a later date.
- How organised you are: DON’T TALK TO ME ABOUT ORGANISATION BECAUSE I’M AN ORGANISATION FREAK. If you can find your shit without losing your shit that’s the most important thing for you but that’s not me.
- Not looking for the positives in life: I hear you rolling your eyes. Stop it now. SOMETIMES you need to feel the feelings and SOMETIMES those feelings are negative. HOWEVER, if you’re that cynical friend that constantly doubts people’s motives, constantly complains about anything and everything and constantly putting out the vibes that nothing will work out because “that’s just your luck” then poo-poo to you! I say this knowing full well that some of my friends and/or family could be reading this thinking “oh honey that was you on occasion”. I KNOW. I’M SORRY. I LOVE YOU.
- Controlling energy: Let that shit goooo! My middle name is ‘control’, did you know that?! Let go of the outcome; detach emotionally from what you want. If you get it, great! If you don’t then you’ve lost absolutely nothing. As Gabby Bernstein says, “…the Universe does not respond to controlling energy” and whether you’re spiritual or not, you have to agree that putting so much effort and mental power into something you have no control over is DUMB. Tara Control Thomassen you were DUMB! Just enjoy the process and let things come to you.
- Impatience: I think my impatience just stems from control.
- Not prioritising happiness: Make happiness choices daily! Somehow as my alarm goes off at 5am each morning, I’m lucid enough to remind myself that I know I’ll feel absolute rubbish and unproductive if I don’t do my morning routine. So I get up. Not for everyone I know, but you get what I mean – if you know future you will feel crap doing something or not doing something, then choose in favour of future you.
- Not getting enough sleep: No explanation needed. We’ve all felt what we’re like on little sleep as opposed to a good nights rest.
- Chasing superficial things for the wrong reasons: AKA chasing after a job or certain possessions for status and a feeling of superiority. If you really want that job because you’re excited for it then woohooo! If you want to prove to yourself that you can save over a thousand bucks for a designer handbag because you. deserve that reward and you put that bag on your vision board, then do it! You can’t deny what you’ve put on your vision board.
- Showing gratitude: Showing gratitude for what you have (as opposed to what you lack) isn’t diminishing your struggles, it’s giving you perspective. If you constantly act and think from a lack mindset I don’t believe you will grow, and instead I believe you’ll constantly have a “poor me” complex.
- Hedonic adaptation: I soooooo want to talk about this in a future post because I found this concept incredibly interesting! I discovered all about hedonic adaptation in an online course I was taking – “The Science of Well-Being” – and it was a game changer. Knowing about it isn’t half the battle, but understanding and implementing how you personally can get a leg up on your hedonic adaptation should be basic knowledge for all.
- Seeking a life that doesn’t align with what/how you truly want to live: Again I’m going to relate this to my past “career” in the film industry just in case you haven’t read my story or it hasn’t sunk in yet. Living life on a film set for 10-14 hours a day 5 days a week with not enough time to workout, eat, unwind and sleep soundly is not my personal idea of an aligned life. Then when you’re not working, you’re stressing about finding the next job because your savings will only go so far. That’s not how I wanted to live my life, so I adapted.
- Your job: If you hate your job then it’s sucking from your Happypool. Enough said!
- Having a purpose in life that’s greater than you: Having a purpose in life makes you feel like you’re a valued member of planet Earth. Everybody wants to belong. If you don’t feel like you have a purpose to being here, then you’ll struggle to see the point in life. Actually to be honest if you think too hard about the point of life your head starts to hurt whether you have a purpose or not. Argh!
- How you use your money: I struggle to spend money without feeling guilty. I will sit and mull over purchases and delete things out of my cart until the cows come home and it’s infuriating. As I write this post, I’ve been debating for over a week now about new winter clothes I want to buy. I will continue to debate the purchases until I’m sure that I’ve made the right decision and won’t regret it, because if I do regret it, it’s a waste of money and I can’t afford to waste money. Sounds normal right?! But I’m holding onto it like I’ll never get that money back once I spend it – like my savings account will never be replenished ever again. It will! It’s a bit of a mindset shift with this one but establishing parameters on what I’m allowed to spend money on guilt-free was a good start. (See one of my latest posts ‘4 Ways Money Has Improved My Happiness’ for some guilt-free happiness spending ideas!)
- Dealing with loneliness as opposed to being alone: These are completely different concepts and I have known people to misunderstand me and to project their own fears of loneliness onto me. I do believe that we need healthy amounts of alone time to better understand ourselves (you’re doing a disfavour to yourself if you’re not getting that), but I can understand why people don’t want to be alone – they fear that being alone will turn into loneliness. They don’t understand the difference.
I hope my list has given you something to mull over in the tub as you try to work how to open the Golden Egg with Moaning Myrtle making inappropriate advances. See you next Monday!
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I love you 3000!